


Used

by Cinn (Lilitia)



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Brotherly Love, Comfort/Angst, Gen, Headspace, Internal Conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilitia/pseuds/Cinn
Summary: Once the adrenaline wears off John doesn't quite feel right about the choices he was forced to make to save Global 1. Set promptly after Impact (S2E09). One shot.





	Used

**Author's Note:**

> Lilitia: After rewatching TAG to the end of the second third of series three, I've decided that I'm now team Scott/Marion (after originally being Scott/Kayo), I think I've grown to Penny/Gordon, still not Alan/Kayo and now unsure about John/Ridley.
> 
> I don't know what it was about Impact, but there's something I just didn't like about the way Ridley convinced John to help. So this is my take on the aftermath and its effects on John. I'm sure the writers didn't mean it this way, but it's an angle to play with.

Disclaimer: I own no rights to any of the Thunderbirds universe. This is purely for fun and no profit etc. Don't sue.

Spoilers: This was written after having seen up to S3E18 Avalanche, and deals with the aftermath of S2E09 Impact. Think there's really only spoilers for Impact.

* * *

John was sat in his favourite seat, where he could see the universe go by as the outer ring of Thunderbird 5 turned, taking him with it. He didn't normally need to try so hard to enjoy this view.

_"Ridley, I'm not a tug boat captain. I rescue people."_ He tried to focus his eyes on the planet twenty two thousand miles below.

_"John, don't help."_ But that's why he was there, wasn't he? She had specifically asked him to rescue both her and global one.

_"What towing operation?"_ Why would anyone be so stupid as to endanger someone else for their ship?

_"Prepare for impact!"_ He almost turned to look for EOS as he remembered her urgent warning, but another thought instantly distracted him.

_"_ _Save me, save my station; package deal."_

"John, you have not moved in over ten minutes, and I am detecting a spike in neural activity against comparable occasions." EOS informed him.

_"John, I can't move!"_

"John, did you hear me?" EOS finally cut through the seemingly endless flashbacks from the day.

He looked up to where one of the camera units sat, curiously watching him. "Is Thunderbird 5 monitoring any potential situations?"

"Twelve." EOS replied.

John stood and made his way to the control room, casting a trained and experienced eye over the situations EOS brought to his attention. "Can you monitor these for me, please?" He asked, nothing required his immediate attention, and they didn't look serious.

"Of course, John. Where will you be?"

"I need to visit my brothers." He decided and the camera lens bobbed as if to nod. His lips twitched with a smile that never quite formed.

~*x*~

John visiting Tracy Island wasn't unusual, but it wasn't so common as to be normal either. He did have a room there, but it was practically untouched. His brothers, Kayo and Grandma had all insisted on sitting him down at the kitchen table and feeding him snacks so they could enjoy him being planetside. Only Brains had seemed indifferent to his presence on the island, though MAX had been intrigued and hung by his elbow for a whole minute until Brains called it away. John knew it wasn't that Brains didn't care, it was just that highly social activities just didn't compute to the engineer, something John could easily empathise with.

John had finally managed to extract himself from the commotion and had sought refuge in his near pristine room. Not that he didn't love them all, he was just so used to being on his own now that he needed to break it up with quiet intervals.

"If you think hiding in here will save you from Grandma's cookies, I'm gonna warn you it won't work." John almost fell out of his chair as he heard Virgil's voice, turning to see his brother leaning on the doorframe. "I see EOS hasn't been keeping you in your toes." He added with a chuckle.

"You're not funny, Virgil." John retorted, but even so he couldn't help his ghost of a smile.

"And you're even quieter than usual." Virgil countered, and John turned away to look at the empty desk in front of him. "If you want to talk, I can stay. If you want to be left alone, I can leave."

Both brothers knew that if John wanted to be left alone he wouldn't have visited, but Virgil would never force any of his brothers to talk even if he suspected they wanted to. John sighed again. "I don't know where to start." He admitted.

Virgil took a couple of steps into the room to allow the door to shut behind him, before taking a seat on the foot of the made-up bed. "Take your time and don't worry about structure."

A shared amusement passed through a brief look the brothers shared, as a scientist John was all about order and structure. Something he always said Virgil should be given he was an engineer. "I just feel so... used." He admitted, curling his legs so that he could hug his knees precariously on his chair, but then his balance had always been impeccable, he'd been a damn good gymnast in his younger years.

"Why?" Virgil asked. "You saved Captain O'Bannon and Global 1, that's a win."

"I warned them, I told them to evacuate for their own safety, and she ignored me." John explained.

Virgil chuckled, one borne of frustration and resignation. "No matter how good our suggestions are, some people will always ignore them. Either because they're to stubborn or stupid or just believe we can save them from everything and anything."

"No, Virg, she stayed because she knew if she did I would save the station." John corrected. "She knew I wouldn't just leave her, she knew I wouldn't just manhandle her off the station, she knew I'd give in even though it was the most reckless course of action to take." He sighed.

Virgil scrutinised his younger brother, thinking over his next question, choosing his words carefully so as not to make it too loaded. "Maybe you should tell me more about how you know Captain O'Bannon." He suggested.

"We met when those space pirates accidentally activated EDEN when trying to salvage it. Since she got put on command rotation for Global 1 we've been playing zero g handball together... It's been nice to have someone new to talk to." John admitted. "Virg, I think... I think I'm starting to..."

"Does she know?" Virgil didn't need to make John finish to know what his brother was about to say.

John shook his head then shrugged. "I don't know." He admitted. "We joke around and tease each other, I guess it could be called flirting..."

Virgil just about managed to stop his chuckle escaping, John was socially hopeless, but this was serious. "You said you felt used, are you sure you're not just reeling from having to rescue someone you care about?"

_"John, I can't move!"_

John shook his head, that much he was sure about. "No, I know what being scared for someone is like." He reminded his older brother, not unkindly, but he knew they sometimes forgot that he saw every agonising second of their missions without being able to help. "No, this is because she knew I wouldn't leave her to her own stubbornness because she knew I'd do the same for Thunderbird 5."

"Would you?" Virgil asked as if it were the simplest question in the world.

John thought for a moment, things were different outside of the heat of the moment. "I... don't know. You've been there, and you chose Thunderbird 2."

Virgil nodded, they'd all almost lost their craft more than once, but none had come as close as their first encounter with the Mechanic a few months ago. He'd pushed Thunderbird 2 to its limit to get it home, along with a mecha. "I did, but it was my life to risk, I didn't endanger anyone else."

"It's our job to be endangered to save other people." John countered.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean we take stupid risks." Virgil reminded him. "We take calculated risks to save people whilst also keeping ourselves and our family safe too." He paused. "If saving Thunderbird 5 put anyone but yourself in danger, would you still chose 5?"

"No."

"Then why should it be the other way round for anyone else? We save people, not machines."

"That's what I said. Essentially." John admitted. "Ridley just told me she was a person, and needed rescuing. She knew it would work. She manipulated me."

Virgil sighed as John looked up from his knees with imploring eyes, but all he could do was nod sympathetically. It wasn't what John wanted to hear, but he couldn't lie to his brother, nor would John want him to. "Yeah, probably." He agreed, softening the blow as much as he could.

It was John's turn to sigh. "I can't be in the situation where that can happen. I need to push her away, don't I?" He asked, half rhetorically, and Virgil nodded again causing John to give a short wry laugh. "Not going to tell me I'm being stupid, that I'm overreacting and socially inept?" He asked hopefully.

"I wasn't there, John." Virgil reminded him. "But it's a slippery slope from manipulation to emotional abuse - and I'm not saying she would - but it's not healthy. People who really care about you don't manipulate you."

"I know." John admitted, resting his chin back on his knees. "That doesn't make it easy."

Virgil nodded again. "No one said it would be, but we're all here for you."

John nodded - as much as his position allowed - and a silence fell over the brothers for a moment before he broke it with a whisper. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Do you ever get lonely?"

It was Virgil's turn to shrug. "Yeah, sometimes. Even just emotionally it's a different kind of intimacy..." He trailed off to a pause. "But we all knew the sacrifices we were making when we agreed to live this life." Apart from Alan they had all been given a choice when they turned 21 - or finished their studies - and that was whether or not they wanted to stay in this life. Growing up with it, it was all they knew, and none of them had chosen to leave.

"Yeah, I suppose we did." John agreed with a wry smile.

Another silence fell over them, and it was Virgil who broke it this time. "But things can't stay this way forever." He stated as if it were obvious, and John realised it was, there was only so long they could do this for. "Talk to her, make sure she realises she crossed a line, make a decision based on her reaction to that." Virgil advised, standing up and squeezing John's shoulder as he walked past his little brother and left him to his thoughts.

* * *


End file.
